Practical Parenting from Proverbs Chapter One
I continued to think about the Truth and Transparency topic and thought to myself that it would be kind of cool to reflect on the truth of the book of Proverbs and related it to the transparency of parenting issues that might fit. So, for the next month (long month, 31 days) I will reflect on what the book of Proverbs has to say to me that I can translate into practical parenting and highlight with the transparency of my own journeys and experiences.
The first seven verses of the first chapter of Proverbs are pretty straightforward. In this prologue, the purpose and theme of Provers is outlined. I refer to it as the blueprint for living within the blueprint for life given in the Bible. Lots of great parental wanna be words are used in the first seven verses: discipline, wisdom, understanding, words of insight, prudent, doing what is right,just and fair, discretion, discernment and guidance. A tall order. But here is a book that has plenty of insight up for grabs.
But I know for one I have a long way to go in this department. Ask any of my kids if I am fair. You will get different answers depending on which side of the issue they are on. There was a bru ha ha over a hairbrush here the other morning. Heaven forbid both girls would use the same hairbrush. After all, one is a brunette and the other is a redhead. One showers every day, the other under duress only after several elapsed softball practices and/or games. "You need to share" came my lame suggestion from the laundry room as I was hunting for a misplaced shoe. You might have thought I suggested that they be immediate kidney donors. "Nooooo" came the wails, soon followed by an airborne hairbrush hurled with the velocity of a stellar all star pitcher from the bathroom. It was clearly time for maternal intervention. "As your mother, that behavior is unacceptable" I stated. "You're not my mother" came the retort.
I knew this day was coming, and have had minor exchanges involving the issue of motherhood in the past,but this was an absolutely overt statement,aimed to cut to the core of my heart, if not cut it in half. You see, daughter number one was adopted in Vietnam when she was five months old. But thanks to (barely) surviving raising two sons through their teen years, I have developed a thick skin to attempts at maternal manipulation or heartbreak. Next....
So this is where discernment came in. And discretion and judgment. I knew she was angry at her sister. I knew she wanted the upper hand. I acknowledged her anger, but clearly drew the boundary line by stating what I expected from her. I didn't let my own emotional reaction enter into the debate or dialog. So there is a fine line between saying just enough or way too much. Here's a hint: It is generally better to err on the side of silence. It is hard to take back words that have already been spoken (or screamed).
The next several verses warn against making poor choices and being enticed into bad relationships. How often do we remark about teens and how things have gone downhill for them when they got in with the wrong crowd?
The next several verses warn against rejecting wisdom. And this is tough...because we all want our kids to make good choices and avail themselves of wisdom, which often comes through the mouthpiece of "mother knows best." But there is a line, sometimes fine, sometimes broad between what constitutes being a teacher and a control freak.
Verse 23 says, "If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you." Isn't this kind of the same as a mom saying, "If only you had listened to me, listened to my advice and gone the right way, I would have helped you out of the situation you had gotten yourself into."
Recently I was disappointed in how my adult son handled a situation. I rebuked, alright, but it wasn't until the next time that he responded to my rebuke and allowed the flow of grace in the situation. The last time I addressed the specific issue (anger management and actions stemming from anger) with him, I was basically told to butt out. The first time the interaction was without wisdom. The second time I invited him to dialog before responding, and because he did so, it opened a phenomenal opportunity for us to support and share with each otter, openly and honestly. It definitely went the right way, and I helped him (willingly)out of a situation he had gotten himself into. Basically, about $80 worth of items from REI had flown off the top of his car, as he thought she had them, she thought he had them and it could have very,very easily turned into a huge blame game. Instead, he refused to talk about it with the otter individual until he had calmed down, which he accomplished by calling me to talk to me and vent first.
May it also be so with the Lord, may we approach him with a healthy fear, as that is the beginning of knowledge.
The first seven verses of the first chapter of Proverbs are pretty straightforward. In this prologue, the purpose and theme of Provers is outlined. I refer to it as the blueprint for living within the blueprint for life given in the Bible. Lots of great parental wanna be words are used in the first seven verses: discipline, wisdom, understanding, words of insight, prudent, doing what is right,just and fair, discretion, discernment and guidance. A tall order. But here is a book that has plenty of insight up for grabs.
But I know for one I have a long way to go in this department. Ask any of my kids if I am fair. You will get different answers depending on which side of the issue they are on. There was a bru ha ha over a hairbrush here the other morning. Heaven forbid both girls would use the same hairbrush. After all, one is a brunette and the other is a redhead. One showers every day, the other under duress only after several elapsed softball practices and/or games. "You need to share" came my lame suggestion from the laundry room as I was hunting for a misplaced shoe. You might have thought I suggested that they be immediate kidney donors. "Nooooo" came the wails, soon followed by an airborne hairbrush hurled with the velocity of a stellar all star pitcher from the bathroom. It was clearly time for maternal intervention. "As your mother, that behavior is unacceptable" I stated. "You're not my mother" came the retort.
I knew this day was coming, and have had minor exchanges involving the issue of motherhood in the past,but this was an absolutely overt statement,aimed to cut to the core of my heart, if not cut it in half. You see, daughter number one was adopted in Vietnam when she was five months old. But thanks to (barely) surviving raising two sons through their teen years, I have developed a thick skin to attempts at maternal manipulation or heartbreak. Next....
So this is where discernment came in. And discretion and judgment. I knew she was angry at her sister. I knew she wanted the upper hand. I acknowledged her anger, but clearly drew the boundary line by stating what I expected from her. I didn't let my own emotional reaction enter into the debate or dialog. So there is a fine line between saying just enough or way too much. Here's a hint: It is generally better to err on the side of silence. It is hard to take back words that have already been spoken (or screamed).
The next several verses warn against making poor choices and being enticed into bad relationships. How often do we remark about teens and how things have gone downhill for them when they got in with the wrong crowd?
The next several verses warn against rejecting wisdom. And this is tough...because we all want our kids to make good choices and avail themselves of wisdom, which often comes through the mouthpiece of "mother knows best." But there is a line, sometimes fine, sometimes broad between what constitutes being a teacher and a control freak.
Verse 23 says, "If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you." Isn't this kind of the same as a mom saying, "If only you had listened to me, listened to my advice and gone the right way, I would have helped you out of the situation you had gotten yourself into."
Recently I was disappointed in how my adult son handled a situation. I rebuked, alright, but it wasn't until the next time that he responded to my rebuke and allowed the flow of grace in the situation. The last time I addressed the specific issue (anger management and actions stemming from anger) with him, I was basically told to butt out. The first time the interaction was without wisdom. The second time I invited him to dialog before responding, and because he did so, it opened a phenomenal opportunity for us to support and share with each otter, openly and honestly. It definitely went the right way, and I helped him (willingly)out of a situation he had gotten himself into. Basically, about $80 worth of items from REI had flown off the top of his car, as he thought she had them, she thought he had them and it could have very,very easily turned into a huge blame game. Instead, he refused to talk about it with the otter individual until he had calmed down, which he accomplished by calling me to talk to me and vent first.
May it also be so with the Lord, may we approach him with a healthy fear, as that is the beginning of knowledge.
posted by www.kathypride.com at
8:15 PM
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