Mother's Day Reflections

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day. I am a mom, and my mom is still living, so I have much to be thankful for. There was a time, though, when Mother's Day was a sad day for me, reminding me of my struggle to conceive, and then mourning the loss of a miscarried child in the midst of that trial.

It is a day meant to celebrate the gift of motherhood but for many women instead of a time of celebration, it is a time of grief. I think in particular about three friends who have all given birth, but their babies are no longer alive, all having died in infancy. How do these women answer the innocent enough conversational question, "Are you a mom?" or "Do you have any children?" They are moms, but then the inevitable follow up questions become awkward. Girl? Boy? How old? It may be easier to say "No" in response to the questions about being a mom, it closes the door to the rest of the conversation which often is uncomfortable at best, and at its worst full of insensitive and inane and ignorant comments. But somehow it doesn't feel right in the sense of honoring the child who is not with his or her mom anymore.

The other group of women I feel sadness for are women who have had abortions. Inevitably many of these women admit, at least somewhere deep down in their souls the horror of the fact that they ended their child's life. And there is grief that accompanies the loss; but where are these women supposed to go with their grief to heal? Do you really think they will share that with someone at church, even though if the church is functioning as it should, it makes sense. But too often these women receive more shame, blame and condemnation that just adds to the loneliness and sadness of their experience. So here are women who were carrying a child, ended the child's life and often not until many years later are in the midst of a very real upheaval termed post abortion stress syndrome. I have heard many stories about women who had abortions and later experienced infertility. My soul mourns for them.

So on mother's day, remember that not every woman wears a corsage with a smile on her face while she holds hands with her kids. There are empty hearts and empty hands also and those moms need to be honored also.