Slipping off the See Saw
Yesterday was a difficult day. Today was a long day, but fun and productive in the spending time with people I care about department. Now the laundry, cat hair, books piled up high in the hallway, well, that's another story...
I think I almost got bounced off the See Saw yesterday, and it promises to be a bumpy ride, but I didn't quite fall off, and the ride is more balanced again today.
I sat down last night to write a post and I just couldn't. But today a care package arrived from The Extreme Diva herself, Jean Ann Duckworth, (www.extremedivamedia.com) with all kinds of Diva fun, and a CD mix. I imagine Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is probably the title track.
My mom had her appointment with the neuropsychologist yesterday. She was nervous, and so was I. We filled out all kinds of questionnaires and my mom had several concept type questions to answer. We go back Monday to discuss the results, but based on preliminary discussion it appears that my mom is experiencing ischemic changes that are resulting in memory and cognition issues. The doctor asked how my mom and dad would respond to moving out of NYC to Danville. That isn't an encouraging question. I don't think it will go over well. Not with my mom or my dad. I am driving my mom back to NYC and going to a special dinner event with my dad Wednesday evening, though, so I trust we will have time to talk and more to talk about.
So Howie and I decided that out of our list of 24 characteristics that we came up with together that would be our ideal marriage the one we are going to focus on the most is laughing together, and the hardest one is going to be achieving balance in our lives. We also included things like putting the other person first, which is why I got off my derriere that was parked comfortably in our bed, ready to post, when he decided to turn out the light on his side of the bed. Typically I wouldn't budge, but for some reason tonight the key strokes just sounded much louder, and I decided the considerate thing to do would be to move. So my toes are cold because they're not under the covers anymore (of course I could have put slippers on, but I can't find them...I probably wore them out in the snow along with my jammies one morning) and my desk chair isn't nearly as cushy cozy as my bed. But I made a choice to put the other person first.
And I think that is the first step in helping a marriage stay balanced.
Of course I am self-centered. We all are if we really admit it. Pursuing our own agendas, getting frustrated when we don't have enough margin and one of our kids takes FOR-EV-ER doing something and we can't cross the next thing off our list, etc. etc. or just getting wrapped up in blogging in bed.
I think balance in marriage is about making more deposits in the other's trust/love account than making withdrawals. And the little things really do add up. It works that way in all relationships, really. Putting the other person first. It sounds so simple, but can be really hard.
Howie did make me laugh today. Really laugh out loud laugh. I have a very unfortunate experience of finishing other people's (especially Howie's) sentences for them if they don't get to it fast enough. Well, Howie didn't quite answer my question fast enough, I don't think I waited two seconds before I provided him with about seven multiple choice options to select from. He made a face at me. You know, one of those, "are you finished yet?" faces. But he didn't say a word. And then he shushed me again today. I get shushed a lot. Except this time it was while I was trying to talk to him and I didn't realize it but it was while a couple of our girls were singing the national anthem at the start of the swim meet. I deserved to be shushed (for a change!)
Live, laugh, love and keep the balance. Oh, and while you are laughing, make sure you laugh at yourself once in a while too!
I feel sandwiched. I hope the insides don't get squeezed out.
I think I almost got bounced off the See Saw yesterday, and it promises to be a bumpy ride, but I didn't quite fall off, and the ride is more balanced again today.
I sat down last night to write a post and I just couldn't. But today a care package arrived from The Extreme Diva herself, Jean Ann Duckworth, (www.extremedivamedia.com) with all kinds of Diva fun, and a CD mix. I imagine Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is probably the title track.
My mom had her appointment with the neuropsychologist yesterday. She was nervous, and so was I. We filled out all kinds of questionnaires and my mom had several concept type questions to answer. We go back Monday to discuss the results, but based on preliminary discussion it appears that my mom is experiencing ischemic changes that are resulting in memory and cognition issues. The doctor asked how my mom and dad would respond to moving out of NYC to Danville. That isn't an encouraging question. I don't think it will go over well. Not with my mom or my dad. I am driving my mom back to NYC and going to a special dinner event with my dad Wednesday evening, though, so I trust we will have time to talk and more to talk about.
So Howie and I decided that out of our list of 24 characteristics that we came up with together that would be our ideal marriage the one we are going to focus on the most is laughing together, and the hardest one is going to be achieving balance in our lives. We also included things like putting the other person first, which is why I got off my derriere that was parked comfortably in our bed, ready to post, when he decided to turn out the light on his side of the bed. Typically I wouldn't budge, but for some reason tonight the key strokes just sounded much louder, and I decided the considerate thing to do would be to move. So my toes are cold because they're not under the covers anymore (of course I could have put slippers on, but I can't find them...I probably wore them out in the snow along with my jammies one morning) and my desk chair isn't nearly as cushy cozy as my bed. But I made a choice to put the other person first.
And I think that is the first step in helping a marriage stay balanced.
Of course I am self-centered. We all are if we really admit it. Pursuing our own agendas, getting frustrated when we don't have enough margin and one of our kids takes FOR-EV-ER doing something and we can't cross the next thing off our list, etc. etc. or just getting wrapped up in blogging in bed.
I think balance in marriage is about making more deposits in the other's trust/love account than making withdrawals. And the little things really do add up. It works that way in all relationships, really. Putting the other person first. It sounds so simple, but can be really hard.
Howie did make me laugh today. Really laugh out loud laugh. I have a very unfortunate experience of finishing other people's (especially Howie's) sentences for them if they don't get to it fast enough. Well, Howie didn't quite answer my question fast enough, I don't think I waited two seconds before I provided him with about seven multiple choice options to select from. He made a face at me. You know, one of those, "are you finished yet?" faces. But he didn't say a word. And then he shushed me again today. I get shushed a lot. Except this time it was while I was trying to talk to him and I didn't realize it but it was while a couple of our girls were singing the national anthem at the start of the swim meet. I deserved to be shushed (for a change!)
Live, laugh, love and keep the balance. Oh, and while you are laughing, make sure you laugh at yourself once in a while too!
I feel sandwiched. I hope the insides don't get squeezed out.
Labels: balanced relationships, deposits in love tanks, Extreme Diva JeanAnn Duckworth, God's love, laugh, live
posted by www.kathypride.com at
7:58 PM
2 Comments:
So I tried the exercise of talking about what a great marriage would be. Yesterday. Jeff and I had four hours to kill while Simone was at a dance workshop in Baltimore. (We have part 2 today: another 4 hour stretch.) We had a lovely lunch and walk around the harbor and spent about an hour wandering around Barnes & Noble, just looking. We really talked. I was honest and Jeff laid his soul out there, vulnerable, for me to try to understand. And I do understand better and I have a little hope now. We are going to continue our discussion today, while we go to a nearby (to Baltimore, that is) museum. We were intimate last night, in more than just a physical way, and when I told him I loved him afterwards, I really meant it like I don't think I have in a while.
Balance is super difficult for someone like me who tends to see things in black and white, with no shades of gray. One thing Jeff mentioned was a great marriage was one in which both people were able to take the long view, encompassing the ups and downs. Not letting your mind go to, "Well this [down] means it's the end of our relationship. It's indicative of a trend, so we better bail now." And he and I have been through a few downs in this last two years and I WAS thinking it would never get better. I remember now why I have always thought him such an amazing man.
Hope is so crucial, and I have newfound hope for my marriage.
Yay, Katy. For what it's worth, I (a complete stranger) am rooting for you.
Life is a long series of ups and downs and we just help each other through them and fight the battles together. One thing that our pastor told us before we got married was that no matter how we argued, we should never play the "I'll leave you" card. And we never have and I'm SO thankful. It makes me way more secure.
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