Home to Reality
We arrived home very late last night...really more like the wee hours of the morning. I felt the oppression of everything ahead just closing in on me...sorting, thinking, planning, loving, and grieving amidst logistics that overwhelm. And a mother who is so sad.
She keeps saying she just wants to die. And I just keep wanting to give her a glimmer of hope. I was reading the glimpses of heaven book on our first flight...and left it in the seat pocket of my seat. I felt lost and overtaken by grief...over leaving that book behind. Tianna's heat winner ribbon from championships was the bookmark...it is like the book was the symbol of all the compounded losses of the past month, some of which I can't even speak about...
But the one highlight of our trip home yesterday was that our first flight was oversold and Nicole and I were able to volunteer our seats and still easily make our connecting flight, so now we have flight vouchers to boot. Count it a successful trip...
My mother was waiting up for me but had dozed off and I startled her when I came in. She has been crying every night...I am witnessing a real love and tenderness that was too hidden when my parents were alive together, all too often pursuing separate interests. How can I help her feel hope? Healing? I know she misses my dad; I miss him too.
I so appreciate my friends who recognize the hole that exists in my life. It is never wrong to acknowledge or send a card, give a hug. Those things make all the difference in the world.
Peace for the struggles and the journey.
She keeps saying she just wants to die. And I just keep wanting to give her a glimmer of hope. I was reading the glimpses of heaven book on our first flight...and left it in the seat pocket of my seat. I felt lost and overtaken by grief...over leaving that book behind. Tianna's heat winner ribbon from championships was the bookmark...it is like the book was the symbol of all the compounded losses of the past month, some of which I can't even speak about...
But the one highlight of our trip home yesterday was that our first flight was oversold and Nicole and I were able to volunteer our seats and still easily make our connecting flight, so now we have flight vouchers to boot. Count it a successful trip...
My mother was waiting up for me but had dozed off and I startled her when I came in. She has been crying every night...I am witnessing a real love and tenderness that was too hidden when my parents were alive together, all too often pursuing separate interests. How can I help her feel hope? Healing? I know she misses my dad; I miss him too.
I so appreciate my friends who recognize the hole that exists in my life. It is never wrong to acknowledge or send a card, give a hug. Those things make all the difference in the world.
Peace for the struggles and the journey.
Labels: acknowledging grief, fatigue, volunteering seats
posted by www.kathypride.com at
10:31 PM
4 Comments:
I hope an angel recognizes the significance of a ribbon and turns the book in...Can you call the airline?
I wish I knew what to say about your mom. It's all so fresh still.
Now 4 months past my brother's death, I told my mom that at some point we have to quit letting the sadness take over....to give it a few minutes a day, but after that use distraction to move on... Otherwise it will be an overpowering, all-encompassing sadness.
There will come a time when you will probably need to encourage your mom to take interest in other things, if she doesn't do that herself. But I have no idea WHEN that will be, or how to get there from here... Try to maybe focus on the happiness of your dad's life rather than the loss...A thankfulness for the good you can find in your memories. Certainly, as you sort through all this physicallly, finding memories will not be too hard.
I wish I had more for you. I know it sounds trite, when it is so very hard; but choosing to be thankful rather than choosing to be sad...it might feel the same at first, tears of thankfulness, tears of grief...but in the end, it is building a habit pattern of choosing happiness and it's the only way I know of to beat the depression that is knocking on your door this season...
Jodie,
Being the techno with I am, I can't get my hands on your email, or blog link. Can you send them along please?
Thanks.
You reminded me of a cross-stitch sampler that I had labored on for two years (yes--two LONG years). It was to be a gift. I brought along on the plane with me to my brother's graduation (14 years ago). It was completely done except for a few remaining stitches. I left it on the plane wrapped in a plastic bag inside a magazine (what was I thinking?). Later I went to the airlines to see if it was in the lost and found. Not there. More than likely tossed out with the trash. I have not done cross stitching since that time.
It too was compounded by many losses at the time.
I pray that whoever picks up the book will be blessed.
HUGS!
woops...see how out of it I am still?? my brother has been gone only THREE months.... j
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