Spinning in the Air

Oh my! It's a bird, it's a plane, no....it's Matt! Matt is our second son who has a joie de vivre and abandon towards life (and risk) that is responsible for the fact that I need to get my hair colored these days on a regular basis.

Here he is this past winter in Beaver Creek, CO (where he was paid to snowboard, I might add...) doing some kind of mega move off a mega jump made out snow that is bigger than my house.

When he attempted this two years ago when he worked in Breckenridge, he didn't fare so well. He was attempting a 900 off another jump made out of snow that was bigger than my house and didn't quite land it. If you need a refresher course in math, a 900 is two and a half complete revolutions, with a snowboard attached to his body, no less! That jump resulted in a broken arm (number five, but who is counting...well, actually, the insurance company is paying attention) and an abrupt ending to the snowboarding season.

At any rate, as you can see, that minor mishap (that did require surgery that added hardware to his wrist that will forever more be detected when being screened by TSA) didn't end his desire to jump and spin into the heavens. I think the desire is to return there next winter as soon as the mountain opens.

So what is an outdoor adventure fiend to do in the summer, you ask? What ranks right up there with being paid to snowboard? Why being paid to whitewater raft, of course! This summer's adventure includes whitewater rafting in Boone, NC on an impossible to pronounce river with equally challenging rapids to negotiate. Always ready for a good challenge this seemed to fit the bill. The summer digs are a pop up camper at a camp site bartered for cleaning toilets and mulching shrubs. Ahhh, to be young! But the price was definitely right. And there is something to be said for simple, unencumbered living, after all, there is only so much stuff that can be kept in a pop up. I should know, the rest of it is in my garage!

Matt will return to Ithaca College in the fall where he will graduate with a degree in Outdoor Adventure Leadership and then, no doubt, head west.

So how do I deal with his risky choices? Prayer, letting go, and reminding him that he will need to pay careful attention to benefits, specifically health insurance, when he applies for jobs.

Woo Hoo Water Fun

Check out the fish. Allow me to introduce you to the huge carp fish of Smith Mountain Lake. One of our favorite past times is going to the marina and feeding the carp; they are particularly fond of popcorn and a veritable feeding frenzy breaks out if you dump a cup or two into the water. Some of the fish even become airborne! These guys are tame; as you can see they will eat right out of your hand! No worries, they don't have any teeth and just come up begging!

We were down in Virginia this weekend where the younger set enjoyed tubing. Look Ma, No hands! Usually Nicole is using her hands to indicate her preferred rate of speed: Fast and outside the wake.

The weather was glorious; sunny, warm and water warm enough to dip into without a wet suit. This was the same water we swam in three weeks ago with wetsuits for the triathlon. In fact, the weather was so glorious that Nicole ended up with a sunburn. Now there is something drastically wrong with this picture, as Howie, my husband is a pediatric dermatologist. In fact, her friend also ended up with a sunburn.

And yes, I allowed it to happen. I flunked my nomination for mom of the year. I guess I figured I would get the inevitable argument over sunscreen application out of the way while it was still May; after all, there is plenty of summer ahead. So I presented my case as to why sunscreen was necessary, spritzed two moving targets (the sunscreen hadn't expired after all, as it was clearly visible where the streaks made contact...) and finally simply said, "Suit yourself; I bet tomorrow you will be begging me for sunscreen" and let it go at that. Of course their rebuttal was loud and clear: "Nuh-huh... no way..." To which I responded "yes, way." I was right. Yes, way, they both got red. Yes, they both applied sunscreen the next day in addition to wearing sun shirts, in addition to several reapplications of "glue stick" sunscreen to nose and cheeks. Now we should be good for the summer, even through anticipated reapplications at the beach in SC in three weeks.

The only problem with going to the lake is that it is six and a half hours away, so it makes for late nights coming home. Tonight in the car the movie of choice was "What About Bob" and here is a piece of trivia: it was filmed on Smith Mountain Lake even though the movie is set on Lake Winnepesaukee.

My Daughter Nicole

I have a couple of faithful readers, to whom I am grateful! One is my friend Gwen, who said she liked my website, but was looking for more of the Kathy she knew. I think she meant the frazzled, always running late, juggling commitments mother of four who streaks through life. So, Gwen, I gave your comments some thought, and here goes! Complete with photos from a day in the life.


Meet Nicole. She is our youngest daughter and is either going to keep me young, or kill me, one or the other. She is full of life, energy and her own opinions. She was with me pleading, bleating and on the verge of demanding the cell phone I wrote about in the cell phone encounter. She did write a note of apology, however, which did lead to a great conversation in normal tones of voice.
She just celebrated her ninth birthday and loves baby dolls, and she has an orphanage full. She takes very good care of them all, I might add...so she has a delightful and nurturing side, just one that is expressed better with her baby dolls than with me or her sister.
She is strong willed, and a clone of her brother, Matt's. I will dig up a picture of him...as a matter of fact, I have photos of both of them when they were two that are interchangeable...
She doesn't like it too much when I refer to her as Matt's clone because we also had our challenges...more about that later. Let's just say we had some challenging teen years and I became an author through the experience. The book? Winning the Drug War at Home. Enough said. So she doesn't really appreciate being called his clone, but they do share passion, good looks, red hair, and a march to the beat of their own drummer outlook on life. Of course when channelled inappropriately, it can cause grey hair...but I am happy to say I am surviving the challenges of parenthood.
Nicole is finishing third grade and is looking forward to going to VA this weekend where she can lake tube with her friend to her heart's content.
Have a great weekend!

Grace, Cell Phones and I'm Sorry

OK. So I was out riding my bike the other day and fell. Once you graduate to clip in pedals and shoes when this happens, you no longer fall OFF your bike, you fall WITH your bike. So I fell with my bike, got a pretty impressive scrape on my left knee (especially impressive before I cleaned up the congealed blood) and landed on my cell phone in the process and cracked the LCD screen.

Fortunately I was due for an upgrade or the cost would have been truly insane; as it was it was $159 BOGO. No deal, in my mind...so off I went to ATT to get the replacement, not an in and out visit.

I did this while my older daughter was at dance but did have my younger daughter with me and it ended up being a conversation about how she needed (i.e. wanted a cell phone) and one with parental controls to be used only in emergencies would not be part of her ideal future. It ended up turning into a battle of the wills which I won, I might add. But it also became an opportunity for us to have a discussion that included forgiveness and apologies. Being sorry and forgiven for heated words, for inappropriate attitudes and for a confusion for needs vs. wants.

grace notes

Grace notes. I first learned about grace notes when I was a flute student many, many years ago. In musical terms they are the small, quickly played notes that add to the melody of what is being played; a quick embellishment to the music being made.

Today, though, I am thinking about grace notes as embellishments to conversation. Going the extra mile so to speak. Just adding an affirmation, speaking with a smile, asking someone how they are in a sincere way and caring about and listening to their answer.

Wouldn't our conversation be so much more pleasant to others and pleasing to God if we just added a grace note every once in a while.

Mean Girls and Grace

The quality I want most to see my daughter(s) emulate, is grace. And I got a glimpse of it today. Unfortunately there is just way too much "mean girl" drama and nonsense. She said, she said...I am never quite sure who is in or who is out. I wish everyone was in and kindness prevailed.

It seems like recess and the playground are ripe grounds for ungrace to surface. Picking teams, exclusion, running to be first on the two available swings and not getting off forever, or not sharing are the repetitive stories du jour.

Well, today there was a variation on the fair team approach. It seems that a game of dodge ball happened with teams that weren't fair at all, and I am happy to say my daughter's approach was to purposefully get outs so the other team could participate on more level ground. Of course there were those who weren't happy and came in only to kick and not play in the field and wailed at the "stupidity" of purposeful outs.

I for one didn't think it was stupid at all. Rather it was the right choice. A moment of grace.

Grace Encounters

Mt friend Tena calls them Whammies. God Whammies, to be exact. When circumstances are just so coincidental they can't possibly be coincidental. They are grace encounters.

To me a grace encounter is when some of the dots get connected and events or people who seemed to randomly occur or appear in life all of a sudden are connected. I imagine God dipping His hand into a huge vat of invisible ink dots and casting them heavenward, where over time they become visible, one by one and then become connected. All of a sudden, it seems, the dots are connected and the occurrences, grace encounters, not coincidences become apparent.

The other day I couldn't get a particular friend out of my mind. It was as if God was saying over and over, call her, call her...so I may be thick, but I have learned that over time that still small voice is worth listening to, so I called and left a message. I didn't realize my friend had changed jobs, since her voice mail was an out of the office auto responder. Three days after I left her a message I re-connected with two other women at a wedding, one whom I have known for years. It turns out they are both working with this same woman who I had just left a message for. I don't know if I represent a missing puzzle peace or not, but the grace encounter was in knowing I had done the obedient thing by responding to the nudge to call.

Contemplating Grace

I'd like to park here on the subject of grace for a bit. We have been reading Philip Yancey's What's So Amazing About Grace in Sunday School, and I just can't get enough, enough of the book and thoughts it invites, enough of the concept and grasping it and enough of it in my life.

But it is a tightrope walk and a balancing act, teetering on that fine line of grace. As a parent I want to love, support, encourage and extend a hand of hope and healing. The trick is, I want to stop short of enabling.

I want love and forgiveness to be part of my vocabulary. I want to speak the truth in love. I don't want bitterness to work its way in contaminating my words and relationships. As such, I see grace as a shade of gray. Perhaps a shade of gra(y)ce.

Mother's Day Reflections

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day. I am a mom, and my mom is still living, so I have much to be thankful for. There was a time, though, when Mother's Day was a sad day for me, reminding me of my struggle to conceive, and then mourning the loss of a miscarried child in the midst of that trial.

It is a day meant to celebrate the gift of motherhood but for many women instead of a time of celebration, it is a time of grief. I think in particular about three friends who have all given birth, but their babies are no longer alive, all having died in infancy. How do these women answer the innocent enough conversational question, "Are you a mom?" or "Do you have any children?" They are moms, but then the inevitable follow up questions become awkward. Girl? Boy? How old? It may be easier to say "No" in response to the questions about being a mom, it closes the door to the rest of the conversation which often is uncomfortable at best, and at its worst full of insensitive and inane and ignorant comments. But somehow it doesn't feel right in the sense of honoring the child who is not with his or her mom anymore.

The other group of women I feel sadness for are women who have had abortions. Inevitably many of these women admit, at least somewhere deep down in their souls the horror of the fact that they ended their child's life. And there is grief that accompanies the loss; but where are these women supposed to go with their grief to heal? Do you really think they will share that with someone at church, even though if the church is functioning as it should, it makes sense. But too often these women receive more shame, blame and condemnation that just adds to the loneliness and sadness of their experience. So here are women who were carrying a child, ended the child's life and often not until many years later are in the midst of a very real upheaval termed post abortion stress syndrome. I have heard many stories about women who had abortions and later experienced infertility. My soul mourns for them.

So on mother's day, remember that not every woman wears a corsage with a smile on her face while she holds hands with her kids. There are empty hearts and empty hands also and those moms need to be honored also.

Cake Walking at the May Fair

Tonight was the May Fair at my daughter's elementary school. This is a much anticipated event complete with games, prizes, junk food, raffles and best of all, a cake walk! We ran to the room where the cake walk was being held so we could get right in on the action. And the very first round, Nicole won! She had the pick of all the cakes, and selected a delectable home made confection with fresh strawberries on top.

And then we won four more times and gave two of the cakes away. One friend ran out of tickets trying to win a HS Musical cake, and another lost out on a cake when one of the other participants wasn't on a number and the first kid (Nick) graciously gave up his spot when the other kid wouldn't budge. And wouldn't you know it was the winning number for that round! So the next time I won, I gave Nick the cake. And it was his birthday besides!

We went home with four cakes; and tomorrow is Nicole's birthday, so we are all set!

Then there were the teacher raffles, and both girls won! How often does that happen? And they were both movie related raffle baskets.

I think I had the most fun of anyone doing the Cake Walk. It was a great way to spend an evening.

Practical Parenting from Proverbs, Chapter Four

Back to Proverbs. As I read Chapter Four, a couple of verses jumped out at me. Verse 23, about guarding one's heart, but even more applicable to me as a mom was verse 25, "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you." Well, do you think I can remember that? Look straight ahead; in other words stay focused. No venturing down bunny trails.

But do you know how many rabbit trails appear in my life every day? I have been trying to wipe sticky spots off my white tile kitchen floor (don't even ask...) for the past three days. But first I have to vacuum and I haven't even managed to accomplish that! Every time I get the last crumb sucked into the vacuum (with a water filter that ends up really smelling bad after it sits unemptied for a couple of days...) I get distracted and don't immediately proceed to the mopping. By then a cat has thrown up, a child eaten a cookie or two,or popcorn has overflowed the microwave, necessitating another go round with the vacuum. Heck, by then there's more sticky stuff on the floor anyway...

The mail arrives, the phone rings, "you've got mail" is announced by a generic male radio announcer sounding voice from my computer and I notice the electric bill still hasn't been mailed. If I don't get it out by Monday, it will sit some more, because postage is going up again and I don't have any one cent stamps.

So where was I? Getting distracted and not hanging in there with the priorities which make up the straight and narrow of my life. Staying focused on listening to how school went; acknowledging the 100 on the spelling pre-test with more than a glazed over stare into outer space mumbling unm-hmmmmmm; sitting down to have a snack instead of just setting out a glass of milk; in other words cultivating relationships which are time consuming and so easily derailed.

As a mom I multi-task way too much, so this verse serves as a helpful reminder to stay focused on what lies ahead, straight ahead; not to the right,not to the left; and not three or four things at the same time, but simply the value and the beauty of the moment.

Weekend Photos

I am beside myself with excitement, as I am a total and complete techno peasant who managed to post these photos as a highlight of the weekend's triathlon. This ranks right up there as one of those simple, do it in your sleep tasks for someone computer geekish, or even techno savvy, but alas, I am a techno peasant, so this is a huge accomplishment for me!

Here I am with my husband Howie before (R) we participated in the triathlon this past weekend. Participate sounds like a kinder and gentler word than compete. I managed to celebrate completing the event by enjoying way too much delicious food, so now I have about ten pounds to shed...

The next triathlon we are planning on going to is in June in South Carolina. I think I have discovered a new hobby and for sure motivation to keep exercising...

A Special Weekend

This past weekend we had one of those too rare times that is the best stuff memories are made of. Laughter, family, and friends came together with my husband's 50th birthday as the catalyst.

He doesn't care for surprises, so I really needed to be careful. Not too much, but enough to bring joy and a twinkle. Our two adult sons and their girlfriends joined us, along with their dogs, a feature Howie (my husband) definitely could have done without...He isn't too much of an animal guy. But we all had a great time. His younger sister also flew down from MA, and that was a surprise he enjoyed. They grew up summering together on Lake Winnepesaukee in NH and now we are continuing the lake tradition, only now the lake we go to is Smith Mountain Lake inVA. In addition there were two other adult couples to share the fun with.

The highlight of the weekend was participating in the Smith Mountain Lake Triathlon, which I am happy to report, we both survived. As soon as I figure out how to post photos, I will! We both participated (notice I didn't say competed) in the Tri and I enjoyed it, so now we will be training for the next one.

But what really made this weekend special was hanging out with the guys; we rarely get to see our two sons together these days and the time we shared swimming, boating, playing games, howling at the movie, "What About Bob" filmed on Smith Mt. Lake, but set ironically enough on Lake Winnepesaukee all made for the creation of cherished memories.

The weekend was a keeper!

The Joy of Gift Giving

As I continued to reflect on yesterday's verses from Proverbs, I got to thinking about gift giving. Yesterday was our oldest son's 26th birthday. So after I recovered from how old that made me feel, and had the obligatory meander down memory lane (including a labor I was ill prepared for that motivated me to become a childbirth educator).

Anyway, it really is more blessed to give than to receive and I experienced great joy in selecting gifts for him that he would enjoy and included the opportunity for some shared family time.

Two of the gifts centered around sports. This kid has been a sports fanatic since the time he said his first words, and is working as the sportscaster for our local cable TV station. His father, a New Englander, brought him up to share his passion for the Boston area teams. It was finally a happy day in our house when the Sox one their first world series. It was the headliner of the family Christmas Letter...So in June we will join Chris and his girlfriend for an afternoon of baseball at Camden Yards, with who else, but Boston playing the Orioles. But the gift that I think excited him the most was a subscription to NFL Sunday Ticket. Now he can watch every game at home without having to go out and vie for viewership with Steelers fans.

But I howled (and so did he) at the "gift certificate" announcing this gift. My husband scanned an image of Bill Belechek and added a bubble which included this thought, "If only I had NFL Sunday Ticket I could tape the other team's defensive plays." When Chris read that he still didn't realize what the gift was until he read down to the bottom of the sheet, and I must say, he was stunned. He was so excited he was at a loss for words. Of course, his dad will be watching all the games with him come fall, but that's great. Good bonding time, I am no fun to have around when he watches football at home, because I tend to ask inane questions at the wrong time. Like just after a huge play, "Was that bad?"

SO this will be much better for everyone, and the gift for me was the joy of giving that gift.