Monkey in the Middle

I am officially about to become the monkey in the middle. Of my parents.

What kind of monkey should I become? A big old gorilla that just sits and scratches? Or perhaps a chimpanzee that flies all around, swinging from branch to branch, or one of those really cute spider monkeys that just perches aloft a high branch and surveys? How do you think any of those would look with a pink crown? I swear, someone is going to commit me...

My mom needs to be near medical care. My dad refuses to leave NYC. My mom is bored in NYC (go figure...) and my dad has gotten out of his slump to decide that he wants and needs to spend what is likely the last ten years of his life painting, something my mom has never quite appreciated or affirmed. Each one is saying things about the other like a bunch of cranky sixth grade girls...oy vey.

I am getting it from both sides, and not liking any of it much. Just much more affirmation that getting totally connected with Howie is the highest priority for me, him, our future and our family.

So tonight I drive right into the eye of the storm. To escape the literal eye of the storm coming my way, (lots of snow and yuck) I am driving to NYC tonight to attend a black tie affair with my dad tomorrow night. I am taking Nicole and we are going to meet Carolyn in the city and have some fun prior to the shindig. Maybe they can hash out a little. Who knows. I imagine what is probably going to happen is my mom will limp along, he will complain about wanting to paint and not remind her of what she just forgot, and something bad will happen to one of them and I will need to manage it from three hours away. I told my mom that if she wanted to stay in the city (that she only likes if she isn't there) is line up her medical care there; she needs to have care there. She says no way. Her care is here. So I told her she needs to be closer then. She says no way. (Yes, there is a pattern). And I have a feeling my dad would say, by all means take her, I will stay her and paint, she thinks my art is an ego trip anyway. She says no way, he can't function without her.

I need my magic wand. Welcome to my sandwich.

Two Celebrations of Life

Today I was privileged to participate in two celebrations of life.

One celebrated the life of Paul Thomas in a Memorial Service of his life. Paul was 65 and the father of my dear friend and babysitter extraordinaire, Abby. Abby was also a faithful pray-er for me, long before I appreciated her efforts. She would say to me, "Kathy I am praying for you" and well, it just made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't realize what a gift she was imprting.

Yes, there were many tears and also grief in his passing from this life to the next. But there was also hope; hope that through the bond of faith the family will be reunited in the time and space of eternity. That is the hope the family will hold close that through the bond of Christ this is a temporary separation. We listened to the song by Mercy Me, "I Can Only Imagine" and as I listened I closed my eyes to try to imagine just a glimpse of what that time in a place called Heaven will be like. And how I long to share that with the people I care about.

My dad came with me. He is here for a couple of doctor appointments. It is his turn for health crisis. He has a horrible rash, I mean omigosh red...all over that he had assumed was hives, stress or an allergic reaction to medication. His dermatologist (not Howie) didn't think it was any of them, but was reluctant to venture a guess without biopsy results.

The funeral was tough for him, because he is at an age (80) where he is losing friends. It starts to hit really close to home and brings thoughts of "What am I here for?" "Have I accomplished what I was supposed to in this life?""Where do I go next?" But it also brought connection through contemplation and discussion of these haunting questions, haunting because there is uncertainty in the answers...And also close to home because now he has health issues, and he is scared. But he believes in God, and that is a wonderful connection point for discussion.

The other celebrated my friend Janis' victory over breast cancer. Janis invited several of her friends and supporters through her illness to a high tea. It was just a wonderful event of delectable finger foods, feeling special and celebrating life.

Janis is the last person on the right. So many of her friends from different spheres of her life were there to join her in this victorious celebration.

Now here is something really bizarre. I was talking to a friend of mine seated at this table, while facing the woman in pink. As I was speaking to my friend, I kept staring at this woman, while feeling somewhat confused and disoriented. I was so distracted I couldn't pay attention to my friend I was speaking to. We locked eyes and both came to the same stunning realization at the same time. We were both at Paul's service earlier today. She entered the chapel at the same time we did and sat directly in front of us. It gave me chills. I had to excuse myself from my conversation and get a handle on how we both could be at two such different yet similar events miles (about 50) apart in the course of the same day, celebrating the lives of two special people.

And this is Betty, Janis' mother, who I first met at a writer's conference several years ago. She also recently experienced a serious health scare and the fact that she was here today sharing in this celebration was nothing short of miraculous.

What a blessing to celebrate and support friends in their grief and joy, in their searching for answers and gratitude. For together being a part of God's family

Martha, Mary, My Parents and My Garage...

I took this picture of my mom and dad Monday evening while we were out to dinner and waiting to be picked up in NY. It was just so nice to sit with my mom and dad and enjoy the time together over a great meal. One of my favorite places to go is for Vietnamese food right in the neighborhood. My father pulled out his camera at the end of the meal, to which my mother responded, "Oh No!" and then I pulled mine out and said "Kissy-Kissy" and here's the result!In light of my complaining and your comments about my messy house, I will note that I full heartedly agree with several comments. Relationships are more important (more on that in a minute) and dust is a great protective covering. My floor is basically never clean, and I have a dog too, so I don't get too bent about it, but it is clutter that gets under my skin. Stuff just everywhere and not in its place. (That was a huge problem for me earlier this summer when I needed to find my safe deposit box key and couldn't). Nicole also remembers everything and inevitably asks for the one skirt, or shirt, or baby doll that I have absolutely no clue where it is and things not being put away gets to me. Its a sense of order I crave. So check out my garage...which is anything but orderly and was not too long ago.

Then Howie came home today and announced that the pop up camper that is in our driveway needs to live in the garage and I said, "That's nice." Where does it look like a camper is going to fit in this mess? I would rather sell it than store it. But I am not stressing about the camper gets moved, because I am spending my time with my mom and my girls before they go back to school next week.

I have corralled the stuff into three areas and will get to them over the next three to six months...the toy room, the computer room and the garage. And if you keep your house too clean (which has never been a problem for me, remember it is more the clutter and people not putting their stuff away that bugs me) you don't have a healthy exposure to dirt and bugs.

So on to Martha and Mary. I hate to admit this, but Martha rears her head in my life more often than not, "'Martha, Martha' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed'" (Luke 10:41) Yup, I do get worried and upset about many things, but then I remember sage advice like be anxious for nothing (see Philippians 4:6) which also can be written no thing. And then I remember Mary and how she had chosen the better way. So I am trying with God's help to choose the better way and I know God smiles down when I make those choices. The difficulty I get in to is when I love and serve and relate, but sometimes am greeted with a response of entitlement or demanding expectation. That bugs me. But still I am to love no matter what, so sometimes I sigh, tell God I blew it, shake my head and take advantage of that new beginning I get each day.

I hung out with Nicole this morning, played play doh with her and then took her to a friend's house. Then the major part of my morning I spent with my mom. I went to a doctor's appointment with her for a regular check up to make sure she was honest with the doc. She has a tendency to omit important details, and there are a couple of things that are really concerning me. First, she has fallen a couple of times in the last month to six weeks for no apparent reason and without warning. Just fell off a stool at Chris and Erin's and tipped over after getting into the water taxi in Roatan. Now, it was hot before she fell off the stool and she had been on a long walk (from our house to town, about oh maybe almost 3 miles) and the water taxi was in the water, after all, and it was wobbly. But boom. Right over backwards after she had sat down.

But more worrisome to me is that her gait has become very shuffled. And rather suddenly also. The doctor agreed that these were concerning changes and promptly scheduled my mom for an MRI and an appointment with a neurologist. And then told her that she can't walk anywhere alone until after she has her neuro evaluation. She wasn't happy about that. No more walks with Tino around the neighborhood, and if she were in NY, she wouldn't be able to grocery shop unless my dad went with her (good luck, she walks a mile out of her way to save a quarter on a gallon of milk, and this just won't fly with him). I think we are all glad the appointments are both in the next ten days.

Tianna has a friend over and I cooked a yummy meal with some of the peaches that came off of Howie's trees and it has been a lovely day. I think I kicked a pile of stuff from one spot to the other in the garage. Maybe I will do the same tomorrow :)

Peace.