Clinging to the Edge

I really am trying to live my life without falling off the edge. Yesterday, I saw the perfect picture on the Internet to go with my blog. It was a van hanging over a cliff out in Colorado somewhere, really teetering. (Apparently a failed suicide attempt, the car didn't careen into the canyon). That was scary.

But for those of you praying for me, hugging me in person and sending cyber hugs it has all been felt.

My mom first. Tomorrow we go to the neuropsychologist to get some kind of feedback from our visit Friday. I know a friend of mine recently went through evaluations with the same doctor with her mom, and said it took awhile to get results, so I am reading between the lines about what it means that they might have results for us from Friday's appointment already. But in all fairness they know my mom plans to go back to NYC Wednesday, so it may be just the medical system actually being sensitive for a change, for which I am thankful.

I did talk to my dad, and he is no way, no how ready to contemplate leaving NYC. This could and probably will get a lot worse before it gets better. Please continue praying.

And Matt. He went back to Ithaca today to finish his internship. We finally broke our silence...not a mean spirited silence, just a necessary silence I think on Thursday. I wrote him a letter, as did Carolyn. We gave him a lot to think about and evaluate. And then we shared. He spoke, I listened and spoke when invited to.

He seems to have taken several steps in a positive direction. He has shared honestly, as have I. He has absolutely been depressed, and that is so difficult to be around, especially understanding it is an organic disorder just like hypertension that can be ameliorated with medication, which he finally started to take because he chose to. I want to protect the trust we are building with each other and simply say that he has done a great deal of introspecting, sharing, crying and deciding to help himself. We (Howie and I) are fully committed to helping him help himself.

So, if you would add an extra layer of prayer to my sandwich, that would be just wonderful.

I have remained steadfast in a strength that has not been my own. I know it comes from a higher power, one I call God. May God be there for you in your valleys or layers of your sandwich as well.

I hope tomorrow's news doesn't push me over the edge...