The Litmus Test of Morning

Back to more relevant topics (the chin hair post got lots of rolling eyes and under breath comments of "TMI" from Tianna, and acknowledgement from Nicole that chin hairs, and especially the hairs in the skin ridge right under your nose can be a real distraction). Connie, I can never remember, does the punctuation in this case come inside the ( ) or outside? And I call myself a writer...

Anyway, as I said, back to more relevant topics.

Is it well with your soul? It is well with my soul despite continued waves of attitude, interruptions, selfish actions of others and multiple other responsibilities: to God, myself, my husband, my kids, my mother...and whatever else needs to get done. I know you know; you live this life also.

But mornings can give us a great litmus test for how we are doing in the "soul wellness" department.

Tianna provided the test this morning. Remember, she is twelve going on nineteen...(or maybe fifteen would be more apt because by nineteen there may actually be a light bulb of reason flickering inside their head from time to time).

First, we are (instrumental word here "we") are parenting much more as a team, which is as it should be and is also a relief. So anyway, we are having a much smoother bed time routine, preserving couple time, and getting to bed at a more reasonable hour.

The first hint of how this morning would go was when Tianna tossed me a sweatshirt and simply stated, "This needs to be washed, it has a spot on the front."

OK, no problem. When I do my next load of interminable laundry, which was not at 9:23 last night, I will do so.

You know what's coming. So this morning she gets up and says, "Mom, did you wash my sweatshirt, where is my sweatshirt?"

The answer didn't go over well, garnered a bit of attitude, to which my response was that attitude would only add to her woes, and there was an easy solution. I could teach her how to do her own laundry and she could have total control. No one to thank or blame but herself. I also said I would be happy to provide same day laundry as long as it arrived in the laundry room in a hamper by 6 pm. Later than that, no guarantees.

"Well, I'm not going to school then." No problem. "Suit yourself, but you'll ruin your perfect attendance for the year."

That got her moving, but not quite on time. If she misses the bus, I can get her to the next stop just down the hill, but it is a pain, and definitely throws things off the mornings I am on a tighter schedule.

Adding to the disruption of the morning was the fact that the softball coach hadn't gotten back to me yet about whether or not there is practice this afternoon. This "simple" fact, that will probably not be conveyed until the last minute is significant: We are operating on one car (Honda in the shop being fixed from my fender bender), Nicole has girl scouts (just 8 boxes to go to meet her goal) and if there isn't softball then Tianna will swim instead.

So Tianna was texting her friend to find out, I emailed the mom to back it up and that took up a few valuable moments of time. Tianna said "Yes, there is softball. Fact. Period." The email from the mom said, "well, the coach said yes last week, but I haven't heard and it has yet to be determined" (by forces such as liability insurance procurement also being handled in a passive aggressive fashion since softball is less important than baseball, and the guys wanted the gym...) Politics at its best.

But it was well with my soul. Not a voice was raised, (well, maybe Tianna's) and we will have great dinner time conversation.

Oh, and this instead of the too typical frenzied mornings that made for a great skit this past Sunday at our church to promote the Women's Retreat. Katy and Connie, friends and loyal commenters here, are both coming. It is going to be GREAT!

How was your morning? Katy, did Simone make it to school today? May it be well with your souls also.

Peace.

Then the bagel. Had to have one, didn't eat it. The cat will enjoy licking the cream cheese off the top and no doubt my mom who can't waste a thing will eat the rest.

And we missed the bus. And somehow that was my fault.

Life in the Balance

Life in the balance. Let's park here for awhile, since it is such an up and down and often unbalanced ride, kind of like sitting on a see saw. And you know what happens when someone abruptly decides to get off. Down it crashes. So balance doesn't only depend on us, it depends on the others in our life as well. Ithink that's what happened last week; I ended up with a thud on my butt, in the mud.

But for the time being, I want to settle in on the fact that the only one we can control is ourselves. As much as my inner control freak (especially the control freak mother in me) would like to break loose here and micro manage my household's life, the truth of the matter is the only one I can control is myself. And inherent in that revelation is the realization that I have choices.

Every day,day in and day out. I have choices, to react or respond, to speak or to remain silent, you get the idea...but choices that allow me to control myself. And here's the great part! Ultimately our choices can affect other's choices as well, which is about as close as my inner control freak will get to micro manage.

I think this is especially true when our response is different, unusual, or a surprise.

Here's an example. I am a pretty "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of person. Howie loves routine. Balance (or seeking balance) in my life has allowed the light bulb of revelation to go on in my head that routine helps to eliminate chaos, which, after all, is what I would love. So we were talking about what we each imagined a great marriage would look like and were taking turns making statements, and I made a statement about craving routines. The poor guy almost fell off his chair. It took him about five minutes to recover until we could go on to the next one. But it was true. And he listened, and he heard. Good stuff.

So balance looks like saying "no," putting people first, letting the dust bunnies collect in the corners, not flipping out when someone tracks in dirty, snowy gunk all over the white tile floor (what was I thinking putting white tile on the floor in the first place? I choose to own that choice!) and including as much margin as you need. Oh, and getting that darn edge out of my voice...more margin and lots of prayer will help that!

And Matt also seemed to have some revelations of his own. I listened, encouraged and affirmed. It is the first time we have really spoken with any depth in the last week. Silence on my part helped a great deal (a choice). I have a tendency to react at the extremes; especially with him. If he is doing great, I am ecstatic; not so well, I'm in the dumps. What has changed I think is a decision to also be more balanced in my relationship, responses and interactions with him.

So instead of living on the edge, I am trying to stay in the middle.

Peace.