Exhausted but Exhilerated

When I packed to come out to CA I almost brought my exercise clothes with me. Appropriate clothes to get outside for a walk, or go to the exercise room at the hotel (I am in a vintage looks like 1950's Travelodege that doesn't have an exercise room-a testimony to my frugality...) But I didn't. And that was a good move. I am on the move from early in the morning to late at night. And I was smart enough to recognize that that would probably be the case without heaping guilt on myself for another unmet expectation.

I am tired. Part of that is the time difference. Now that I am finally acclimated it will be time to return home.

But more than that I am exhilarated. I have had the opportunity to be in sessions and conversations with great faith representatives who are living out lives of grace and are willingly sharing of their experiences. I am popping with hope and ideas. What a gift! Over the next few days I will unpack some of what I have learned. In the meantime it is time for another full day...

Peace and grace to you wherever you are in your journey.

Matt, I Love You!

The following is from today's Purpose Driven Life Devotional, written by Jon Walker:

"The apostle Paul says this is the problem with the law: We keep excluding people based on jot-and-tittle questions, such as what they eat or drink, how they celebrate a holiday, or if they wear a tie on Sunday (Colossians 2:16).

God comes in grace, saying, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6 NIV)."

Yes, we need to honor God, but I so believe that honoring comes through extending love and grace, the unconditional love of the father of the Prodigal Son variety (See John 15:11).

How do we do this? (Especially if it is one of your kids driving you nuts!)

OK, If I pay attention to the Apostle Paul, I guess I need to stop fretting about appearances, and stop nagging Nicole about her hair...and relate to her and love her as she is, where she is. (That doesn't mean tolerating disrespect, or letting her get away with things, one of the irrefutable laws of life is that we reap what we sow (in other words, suffer the consequences, or joys, of our decisions).

But there is a joy and freedom that comes along with celebrating and loving people where they are. I haven't always been good at this...like when we were at the bottom of the valley with Matt. But that is in the past, and we made it through. (If you don't know about this journey, it was what brought me to my knees and can be found elsewhere on my website, under testimony).

It is what made Saturday in Ithaca especially sweet. The joy of being in the moment. The joy of simply being. The joy of hanging out. The joy of experiencing where we are now compared to where we once were. Is there someone you need to be somewhere different with? Why not now? Take the first step...

I started to cry on the drive home. I remembered the same drive about eight years ago. I was listening to Michael W. Smith on a CD singing Kentucky Rose. Chris was a student at Ithaca College at the time and I had been up for a visit with him. Matt was struggling and Chris was too, in his own way. I remembered the past drive and the rawness of the pain as if it were yesterday. Driving home in confusion about how we had arrived at such a desperate place, and just sobbing. I hadn't let go or come to faith, or the beginning, very beginning steps of grace yet. I am coming to understand that faith is so much about grace. And I know I still have far to go, but what I realized even then was that somehow something had gone very wrong and that unconditional love wasn't there. Hurt, lies, deceit and brokenness were there. And it felt awful.

But this time the tears were tears of joy. Joy that love is present. That Matt is happy. That we got to laugh at a St. Bernard named Oscar. That I didn't even comment on the messiness of his room. (I didn't go to see his room or run a white gloved finger over any surfaces); I went to visit Matt and Carolyn and enjoy a day without any agenda other than being present and extending love. And that is grace.

Matt, I love you!

Churched...Some Musings...

I have been talking about this book for awhile now, and the author even longer. What I love about his writing is he is real. Just read the subtitle, "One kid's journey toward God despite a holy mess." And he writes about several of those holy messes in his new book CHURCHED.

I remember when I read his book THE COFFEEHOUSE GOSPEL. I was hooked on his humor and candor. Here was someone I could relate to. So I can't tell you how excited I was when I actually met him. He is as real in person as on paper. And I love that.

Now, first, the cover isn't blue. It is yellow. And I have no idea why my computer put it here in blue...And I have to admit I hope I do this book justice; I am a writer after all, so I am feeling a lot of pressure about now to come up with the right words. But just like in prayer, they don't need to be fancy or eloquent, but just the real deal. And I believe that's OK.

So here are my real thoughts about Turner's Faith upbringing and journey. First, it allowed me to re-think my position about wondering why the heck God waited to get a hold of my heart till I was over the age of 40. If I had met God in Pastor Nolan's church I probably would have left. The candor, humor and grace with which his faith journey is told and followed speaks volumes to my heart about a God that loves us through it all and despite it all, and in spite of some well intended, but perhaps misguided representatives. The effect that some legalistic representatives of God had on me in my younger days was to make me run as fast as I could in the other direction. With friends like them who needed enemies? But Turner didn't turn his back and run, but survived and tells the story without condemnation. I love that. To me that is the gift of grace. And we all need more of that.

Turner's ability to weave stories with a strand of resonating self deprecating humor is a gift that I believe will help many find hope and healing in the God that has been there all along, but may take some of us longer to meet or find. I laughed and sighed my way through the book and am relieved there is someone with whom I feel like a kindred spirit. His writing has validated my own faith journey, allowing me to become more confident in the many ways in which we can meet and worship God. We don't all need to fit into a prescribed mold, nor should we have to. After all, we are unique!

God has gifted us with a variety of attributes and talents. I am so thankful that He has chosen Matthew as a scribe to share His love with others in his own style.

Leave your comment here for your chance to win a copy, or follow the link to www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1400074711 to order your own copy.

Rays of Hope

I love it when the light breaks through the darkness; to me it is as if God is sending a touch of hope, a glimmer of His Kingdom, a reminder of light conquering darkness, of grace prevailing.

And it doesn't need to be just some abstract concept. We can (and I think should) be a part of bringing that hope and grace to people around us. Gratitude, a smile...or anything that can bring hope to others.

Rays of Light, Rays of Hope

For today, a simple post. I was driving to drop my daughter off at a friend's house, and noticed the rays of sunshine peeking out at me from behind the clouds. I have a soft spot in my heart and soul for rays of sunlight just like these that emerge from behind the darkness. It is as if God is reaching down to let me know that whatever my desert experiences, it will be OK. No matter what pain, heartache, or absurd stupidity (like the fact that Little League won't accept our older daughter's birth certificate, ORIGINAL birth certificate at that...because it was issued more than a year after her birth date...well, duh, she was born in Vietnam half way around the world, and our wonderful US Government simply doesn't work that fast. Heck I can't ever get a real voice on the phone when I call Government offices...more on that later) the sunshine touches me with God's grace.
It is as if he is smiling down on me in reassurance and reminders that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter how alone I may feel, or how much in control of several spinning out of control situations I would like to be.
So for today, for the rest of the day I will rest in His comfort, and pray that through my cracked and imperfect being some of His light will also shine out and touch others.

grace notes

Grace notes. I first learned about grace notes when I was a flute student many, many years ago. In musical terms they are the small, quickly played notes that add to the melody of what is being played; a quick embellishment to the music being made.

Today, though, I am thinking about grace notes as embellishments to conversation. Going the extra mile so to speak. Just adding an affirmation, speaking with a smile, asking someone how they are in a sincere way and caring about and listening to their answer.

Wouldn't our conversation be so much more pleasant to others and pleasing to God if we just added a grace note every once in a while.

Mean Girls and Grace

The quality I want most to see my daughter(s) emulate, is grace. And I got a glimpse of it today. Unfortunately there is just way too much "mean girl" drama and nonsense. She said, she said...I am never quite sure who is in or who is out. I wish everyone was in and kindness prevailed.

It seems like recess and the playground are ripe grounds for ungrace to surface. Picking teams, exclusion, running to be first on the two available swings and not getting off forever, or not sharing are the repetitive stories du jour.

Well, today there was a variation on the fair team approach. It seems that a game of dodge ball happened with teams that weren't fair at all, and I am happy to say my daughter's approach was to purposefully get outs so the other team could participate on more level ground. Of course there were those who weren't happy and came in only to kick and not play in the field and wailed at the "stupidity" of purposeful outs.

I for one didn't think it was stupid at all. Rather it was the right choice. A moment of grace.

Grace Encounters

Mt friend Tena calls them Whammies. God Whammies, to be exact. When circumstances are just so coincidental they can't possibly be coincidental. They are grace encounters.

To me a grace encounter is when some of the dots get connected and events or people who seemed to randomly occur or appear in life all of a sudden are connected. I imagine God dipping His hand into a huge vat of invisible ink dots and casting them heavenward, where over time they become visible, one by one and then become connected. All of a sudden, it seems, the dots are connected and the occurrences, grace encounters, not coincidences become apparent.

The other day I couldn't get a particular friend out of my mind. It was as if God was saying over and over, call her, call her...so I may be thick, but I have learned that over time that still small voice is worth listening to, so I called and left a message. I didn't realize my friend had changed jobs, since her voice mail was an out of the office auto responder. Three days after I left her a message I re-connected with two other women at a wedding, one whom I have known for years. It turns out they are both working with this same woman who I had just left a message for. I don't know if I represent a missing puzzle peace or not, but the grace encounter was in knowing I had done the obedient thing by responding to the nudge to call.

Contemplating Grace

I'd like to park here on the subject of grace for a bit. We have been reading Philip Yancey's What's So Amazing About Grace in Sunday School, and I just can't get enough, enough of the book and thoughts it invites, enough of the concept and grasping it and enough of it in my life.

But it is a tightrope walk and a balancing act, teetering on that fine line of grace. As a parent I want to love, support, encourage and extend a hand of hope and healing. The trick is, I want to stop short of enabling.

I want love and forgiveness to be part of my vocabulary. I want to speak the truth in love. I don't want bitterness to work its way in contaminating my words and relationships. As such, I see grace as a shade of gray. Perhaps a shade of gra(y)ce.