Celebrating Dreams...Because Relationships Matter

I really wanted to include pictures with this post...but my photo card reader is broken (more techno woes...).

My friend Linda graduated from Nursing School (LPN) last night, achieving a dream she has had for more than twenty years. It was a celebration of so many things, and I am so proud of her.

It hasn't been an easy journey, but life is hard and throws us many curve balls. I have so much respect for her, though, because I don't think I would have finally every connected with one of those pitches and hit it out of the park the way she has. I think I might have struck out long ago.

To say Linda has had a hard life is an understatement. (Two thoughts come to mind here. More of her story is on my web site and I love the title of Kathy Guy's blog, "Because Relationships Matter" because that just sums it up. If I were truly techno proficient, as you know I am not...I would have the clickable link here, but I don't. Kathy serves as the Director of Community at Granger Community Church in Granger, Indiana. Great thoughts can be pondered there.)

Anyway, to say Linda has had a hard life is an understatement. She lost her first husband at 25, leaving her a widow with two young kids. Her second husband, Steve, has been in jail for the last 20 years. And she has stayed by his side all that time. Because relationships matter...she has raised their four children, including a set of twins, who I have as tag along much of the time, the 11 year old daughter, especially, as she and Nicole are friends. Because Relationships matter. (I know, the math may have you perplexed...Linda and Steve and kids had family visits.)

She has worked hard, raised the kids, stayed with Steve, and never lost sight of her dream. And our family was able to be a part of that. Because relationships matter. And last night she achieved that dream.

Twice before she had planned to start nursing school; the first time her dream was interrupted when her first husband really wanted her to stay home. The second time her dream was interrupted because Steve went to jail. She is an example of perseverance we could all take something away from.

The weather was the culprit this time that seemed to be conspiring against her as she looked forward to the culmination of the dream by participating in her graduation. On Tuesday she drove a combined eleven hours to pick up her mom and two oldest kids so they could be there with her. The kids had to be back in Ithaca, NY this morning to work. Linda herself has to work at ten. Graduation was scheduled for Thursday evening, allowing Linda time to get the older two back to Ithaca in time for everyone to meet their responsibilities.

Until it snowed...and moved graduation to Friday evening. But with some creative planning and lots of support from many (because relationships matter) we found a way to get everyone to where they needed to be. Not without difficulty, but with perseverance. And as a result her friends and family were there to cheer her on as she has achieved her first dream, and see what is possible.

And I am honored to have been a part of this journey walking alongside her. Because Relationships Matter.

I Think I'm Having an Identity Crisis...

In some ways today was better than yesterday; in others it was worse. I continue to think about the hats I wear and the responsibilities I juggle and really, really question the wisdom of having more (hats and responsibilities...now throw in a new pair of shoes and maybe we'll talk!) But seriously, I come back to a question I have been trying hard to answer since January.

And it relates to passion and focus, and ultimately if my actions are matching up with what I verbally commit to. And I even have been working with a life coach since January to help me un-knot myself. As a Christian I am admonished to "be anxious for nothing" but let me tell you, there has been a fair amount of anxiety swirling around in my head the last couple of days in particular.

And I think much of it revolves around the central question of what I feel I am called to do, versus what I, self-centered Kathy Pride feel like doing. And the two are at odds with each other and stressing me out a bit.

I came to the realization this morning, only confirmed by several conversations throughout the day, that adding more to my plate at this time will not be worth the income I earn. I was able to proceed through today at a relaxed pace; I still had my to do list, but if I didn't maintain a breakneck speed or accomplish all of it, I wasn't shirking responsibilities.

And if I had a job to be at, or work responsibilities to fulfill, I would not be able to have some of those conversations or be open to the life lessons they held. But the result was somewhat of an identity/performance crisis. I'll get over it with a little help from my friends (and prayer warriors).

I had a great conversation with a friend in the elementary school parking lot after I dropped off Nicole. I almost drove her to school barefoot, but something told me to put on shoes. It was a real encouragement because this other woman really shares many of my perspectives, and she is also an outspoken New Yorker. I think we both feel we have outgrown our small town at times...but a recurrent theme that came up was why some Christians are so hateful , judgmental and nasty. And of course, coming up on an election, some of the actions and conversations become really heated. This is not the way of Jesus. And it makes me so very sad. But we agreed that our family must come first. That would negate working outside the home for me at this time. Things have been going much more smoothly with Nicole; do I want to throw that all out the window for a paycheck that may allay a little bit of financial anxiety, but just create other anxieties instead? Have I totally bought into the myth of "superwoman"?

Then I got a phone call from a friend that was more like a divine appointment. Someone who has just wiped her plate totally clean to be able to live life at a more restful pace. My gut reaction was respect and envy. But hey, I can make that same choice. So I enlisted a few people to hold me accountable to stick to making decisions that uphold a value and vision of family first along with living in sync with my passion for relationships and outreach.

I emailed my life coach and called my pastor to set up a talk time tomorrow.

We only get to go round once on this earth and I want to be certain I am living out my passions, purpose and calling. Building healthy and loving relationships is one, writing is another and serving through outreach the third. When they all come together it is even better. But the distractions and temptations (of accomplishments, a paycheck, doing good work, and a zillion other things) are all real too. I guess I'm having some growing pains. Or maybe an identity crisis.

I feel in a way that God is up to something pretty big, but the stepping out in faith business is pretty scary. But then again if we knew the outcome or had all the answers it wouldn't be faith.
But I really enjoyed my day, conversations and a trip out to Lewisburg to watch Nicole cheer. If I were working I would have missed many of those things.

Of Peaches and Patience...

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)

So what do patience and peaches have in common? Well, for starters they are both fruits...and both start with "P" at that. They also can both rot; take it from me, I know. My peaches here in my bowl aren't the only fruit that can rot, my fruit of the spirit can also at times become maggot infested and rotten.

Kara's comment on a previous post got me thinking about patience this morning. And I know all about praying for patience...she is absolutely right on...pray for patience and it will all break loose. So basically, if you aren't looking for refinement in the area of trials and tribulations, perseverance and becoming ultimately more Christlike, don't pray for patience. I know. I wrote about this in my first book, Winning the Drug War at Home...Come up with another request...like joy, or gentleness or one of the other fruits. Patience equals long-suffering; that is what it is called another Bible translation.

But we could all use an extra dose of patience, couldn't we? I am chuckling to myself as I think about the lesson I had in patience just this morning. It had to do with driving my younger daughter to school this morning. It is normally just a quick ride down the hill, to the right, and voila, there we are at school. But there is a bridge out between here and there, that requires making a large U to a parallel road and back again, through a busy intersection that is prone to getting backed up. I know I don't live in a metro area where I need to deal with traffic every day, now that would really be a lesson in patience (or insanity). So on my way back home the turn lane off the busy road was way backed up...so I continued straight to make the turn from a bit further down and then back tracked. I was at the traffic light waiting to proceed, enjoying the quiet of the car ruminating about these things when the light changed and when I didn't immediately gun it the guy in his little hot rod Mitsubishi behind me honked. I waved to him out my rear view mirror and gave him a huge smile, knowing that in other areas of the country he may have received other gestures and looks. He wasn't patient, but I guess neither was I because I chose to go around rather than sit in the pretty long left turn lane (and the green left arrow is pretty quick...)

So how am I learning to become more patient?

• By bringing the island way of life home with me as much as possible.
• By being less demanding of myself and others.
• I am not wearing my watch as much here either.
• By not multi-tasking.
• By purging stuff (so I will not have as much to take care of, necessitating less multi-tasking because I can't seem to find enough time to maintain order).
• By focusing on relationships more than other things and allowing myself to be interrupted to allow for relationships to take precedence.
• And yes, by praying, although not necessarily for patience...

And those beautiful peaches? You didn't know Howie was an organic farmer, did you? Freshly picked from our backyard tree.

Peace (and Patience :)

Martha, Mary, My Parents and My Garage...

I took this picture of my mom and dad Monday evening while we were out to dinner and waiting to be picked up in NY. It was just so nice to sit with my mom and dad and enjoy the time together over a great meal. One of my favorite places to go is for Vietnamese food right in the neighborhood. My father pulled out his camera at the end of the meal, to which my mother responded, "Oh No!" and then I pulled mine out and said "Kissy-Kissy" and here's the result!In light of my complaining and your comments about my messy house, I will note that I full heartedly agree with several comments. Relationships are more important (more on that in a minute) and dust is a great protective covering. My floor is basically never clean, and I have a dog too, so I don't get too bent about it, but it is clutter that gets under my skin. Stuff just everywhere and not in its place. (That was a huge problem for me earlier this summer when I needed to find my safe deposit box key and couldn't). Nicole also remembers everything and inevitably asks for the one skirt, or shirt, or baby doll that I have absolutely no clue where it is and things not being put away gets to me. Its a sense of order I crave. So check out my garage...which is anything but orderly and was not too long ago.

Then Howie came home today and announced that the pop up camper that is in our driveway needs to live in the garage and I said, "That's nice." Where does it look like a camper is going to fit in this mess? I would rather sell it than store it. But I am not stressing about the camper gets moved, because I am spending my time with my mom and my girls before they go back to school next week.

I have corralled the stuff into three areas and will get to them over the next three to six months...the toy room, the computer room and the garage. And if you keep your house too clean (which has never been a problem for me, remember it is more the clutter and people not putting their stuff away that bugs me) you don't have a healthy exposure to dirt and bugs.

So on to Martha and Mary. I hate to admit this, but Martha rears her head in my life more often than not, "'Martha, Martha' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed'" (Luke 10:41) Yup, I do get worried and upset about many things, but then I remember sage advice like be anxious for nothing (see Philippians 4:6) which also can be written no thing. And then I remember Mary and how she had chosen the better way. So I am trying with God's help to choose the better way and I know God smiles down when I make those choices. The difficulty I get in to is when I love and serve and relate, but sometimes am greeted with a response of entitlement or demanding expectation. That bugs me. But still I am to love no matter what, so sometimes I sigh, tell God I blew it, shake my head and take advantage of that new beginning I get each day.

I hung out with Nicole this morning, played play doh with her and then took her to a friend's house. Then the major part of my morning I spent with my mom. I went to a doctor's appointment with her for a regular check up to make sure she was honest with the doc. She has a tendency to omit important details, and there are a couple of things that are really concerning me. First, she has fallen a couple of times in the last month to six weeks for no apparent reason and without warning. Just fell off a stool at Chris and Erin's and tipped over after getting into the water taxi in Roatan. Now, it was hot before she fell off the stool and she had been on a long walk (from our house to town, about oh maybe almost 3 miles) and the water taxi was in the water, after all, and it was wobbly. But boom. Right over backwards after she had sat down.

But more worrisome to me is that her gait has become very shuffled. And rather suddenly also. The doctor agreed that these were concerning changes and promptly scheduled my mom for an MRI and an appointment with a neurologist. And then told her that she can't walk anywhere alone until after she has her neuro evaluation. She wasn't happy about that. No more walks with Tino around the neighborhood, and if she were in NY, she wouldn't be able to grocery shop unless my dad went with her (good luck, she walks a mile out of her way to save a quarter on a gallon of milk, and this just won't fly with him). I think we are all glad the appointments are both in the next ten days.

Tianna has a friend over and I cooked a yummy meal with some of the peaches that came off of Howie's trees and it has been a lovely day. I think I kicked a pile of stuff from one spot to the other in the garage. Maybe I will do the same tomorrow :)

Peace.

Ramblings, Rantings and Ravings...

I have been wanting to post since Wednesday morning. I actually have so much I want to say that I have to admit becoming overwhelmed by inertia and excuses. So instead of this becoming a huge, boring manifesto, I am simply going to list the highlights of the last couple of days and then get to them one at a time in the form of musings over the next bit of time.

• I am in CA, not sunny CA, but smokey CA, visiting a dear friend from first grade whose birthday was yesterday and has an aggressive form of metastatic breast cancer.
• My travel day was an adventure in itself. While I could refer to it as a travel day from that you know where "H" place, (which it was) I did approach it with a spirit of adventure and ended up with a free meal and free ticket out of the experience, but don't worry, I am still feeling a need to vent the outrageous details of a day in the life of an ordinary air traveller.
• It truly is more blessed to give than to receive, as the gifts I received as a result of my visit with my friend yesterday in my mind outweighed the gift of my presence and time to her. I know she didn't agree, but this is a valuable perspective for all of us to remember: It truly is more blessed to give than to receive.
• I don't watch much TV but had Good Morning America on yesterday and saw a segment about a Hopkins Neurosurgeon who was an illegal immigrant tomato picker in the US. Of course now I can't pull his name out of my clogged brain (which the really, I must say, less than poor quality coffee this morning didn't help as much as my Starbucks half caff) but will before I re-post.
• Then, yesterday, while the TV was also still on, I think it was MSNBC was doing a piece on the mega rich. I was absolutely sickened by what I heard. The gist of it was "once you have made your first billion, it all becomes a game to just see how much more I can accumulate." How about sharing, you bozo?
• Relationships, relationships, relationships. It is all about relationships. There couldn't have been a more important place for me these two days than with two elementary school friends who are both in very challenging life spots. One is terminally ill, the other's husband just decided he doesn't want to be married any more...
• God brought several people into my life the yesterday and today who have reminded me of His providential love and care for us all. There are no accidental meetings.

SO there you have it, a preview of what is to come. Oh, and I also prefer to blog with photos, and haven't taken any, starting with the huge line of my fellow weary travellers who were booted off the 7 am flight to LA on Wednesday, but I missed the photo op. But no worries, I will be back!

Fifth Grade Fun...and Bittersweet Moments

Fifth grade ended today. Finished are the elementary school years for Tianna and her friend Doaa, above. I went to the celebration yesterday, complete with cake sharing all too aware that another milestone has been marked.

So I spent some time in reflection about God's call on my life, priorities, relationships and all the emotional stuff that significant life stage events bring out.

I have to admit I am feeling a little bit down. I think our kids growing up and the realization of how fast the time here on earth goes has the ability to do that. And the realization that as parents we only have a snippet of time to help them build character before they go on to become the next generation of parents. At the moment, I am not feeling all that confident in the job I am doing, and if it has the effect of helping me to focus and build stronger relationships than it is a good thing. If it becomes a guilt ridden pity party it is not a good thing.

So there are several things that have occupied my mind that I hope to develop into habits over the course of the summer ahead.

• Grab or better yet, create moments of joy.
• Listen. Really listen.
• Becoming less of a slave and more of a servant to my girls.
• Getting up early in the morning to do the mundane but necessary chores of running a household so that they don't have to listen to a distracted, unfocused mom say, "Uhhh, just a minute" for several hours each day.
• Delegate or drop as much of the extraneous stuff as I can.

I want my girls to look back at their time with me as fun and special; not a naggy drag, which I suspect might be closer to their current assessment.

I want to honor God with the job I do as a mom to these two lovely girls He has given me; they are both miracles. One adopted from half way around the world, the other conceived after years of infertility.

May the summer be one of nurturing relationships for us all.