Human Beings, Not Human Doings

I remember the first time I heard this statement, "We are human beings, not human doings."
Isn't that great? And how true...sadly.

We race around doing, doing, doing when we would be so much better off just being. As in abiding.

So how to we slow down and be in the midst of doing?

They are all skills I need to hone...listening, saying no more often and allowing standards of cleanliness to slip even lower than they have ever been before...

I stayed at dance tonight so the girls knew I was there just hanging out and chipping away at some notes and emails, but not stressing. Yesterday Tianna's softball game was cancelled and that was such a gift! We took off for the mall and just had a girlie day at the stores...it's been awhile since I have been home with enough wiggle room to take off and do some things that the girls want to do.

I will be joining Connie at a book signing event at the Barnes and Noble in Lancaster on Saturday, and then Sunday, in addition to Mother's Day it is also Nicole's birthday. I am looking forward to just hanging out.

So go and be. Be a human being.
Peace.

Simplify

The crusade to simplify my life continues.

Today's focus was on making sure I had enough margin in my day. I started out quietly and alone, and am finishing it quietly and alone, with God and my thoughts.

I woke up early and Howie had set the coffee to go off last night. This is a huge gift to me. To wake up and have the coffee already brewed (which almost happened...the clock was set correctly, except it was on pm not am...) is a huge gift. But I didn't have to wait long, and I retreated back to bed with my Bible and a couple of books. I am reading one on the Spiritual Disciplines, and coincidentally enough, the chapter is on simplicity.

I began my day in quiet, peace and order, which sustains the quiet sense of resolve I have adopted. Resolve not to be hurt, not to hurt, and not to be manipulated, whether that is the intent or not.

More of a painful story continues to be woven; I trust the purposes and lessons that this time holds for me.

I went back to work today. This is also a mostly solitary undertaking, and I enjoy that. It comes as no coincidence or surprise that I find myself working in long term care settings. I did call the neuropsychology department at the hospital today to see if there was any inkling at all as to how long my mom would need to wait for her evaluation appointment. I will be driving to NYC next Wednesday to go to a dinner with my dad, and she is anxious to go home. There is work to be done! I keep reminding her she has appointments ahead, and if they are not taken care of before next week, then she will need to return for them. She is not pleased about this. In the meantime, she toasted a bagel in the toaster oven without slicing it. Mistake? Confusion? Normal? Who knows. What I do know is that I will be relieved when I get a professional's assessment, regardless of what it reveals.

And Matt. Haven't had much contact with him. He has been out late and sleeping late, not in step with my schedule. I know his original plans were to return to Ithaca tomorrow, after his ortho appointment for his wrist. I hope that plan is still in effect. I am anxious, yes, anxious (as opposed to eager, although I am that also) for him to complete his internship hours, which seemed so "in the bag" and are now feeling uncertain to me, so he can move on. I have often remarked that middle aged women (that would be me) and twenty something year old guys don't belong under the same roof. That feels more true now than ever. Our schedules and life choices just don't seem to be in sync. I did write him a letter today so I have shared my piece.

So here I am in the middle of the sandwich of the sandwich generation. Can I at least make it a gourmet selection rather than a slice of generic bologna between two slices of white bread?

Peace.

What Will the New Year Bring?

Happy New Year! I am moving my office upstairs to make room for a main level bedroom for my mom. This will not only make it easier for her to get around our house, but it will force me to clean out and get rid of lingering papers, projects and to do's that haven't gotten done 9and are unlikely to get done anytime soon). Yes, there is a log of pink in there..

Here we are. Another year, and I have been giving quite a bit of thought to what may be in store, how to prepare for it, how to live with grace, and how to have FUN! You know, living, laughing and loving well. Here are my thoughts and dreams for 2009, and what I aim go dedicate myself to. What about you?

That has been what much of the past year's slow (and sometimes painful) purging and pruning process has been about. Putting relationships first, and getting rid of all of the things--commitments and stuff -- that get in the way. Fortunately, God has saved me from myself a couple of times (at least!)

I have also been giving much thought to the direction I want to go in with my writing and outreach. I have to say I have come to the conclusion that the four core values that JeanAnn Duckworth the founder of Extreme Diva Media have as her foundation to everything she promotes are right on: (And the fact that bling, pink and fun are all wrapped up in that package are all a huge plus for me!)

Relationships. Spending time with people when no one seems to have enough time always needs to trump getting other stuff done. That leads to value number two:

Simplify. Get rid of the stuff--all of it--that distracts you or occupies you from growing relationships. This may be hard to do. You may need to sacrifice a bit, or face some poor choices you made (that in turn make you feel not so great about yourself...) Two of the things I purged were quite a bit of gorgeous yarn I bought in China. I still haven't used it, so I donated it to the shawl ministry at my church. Now I don't have the pressure of knitting projects needing to be done.

And then I also got rid of a bunch of notes from an online marketing program I signed up for. It was not an inexpensive program that I fell for, and never implemented, because what they didn't tell you was the time and computer skill necessary to implement it. Ouch. I never did it, and every time I see those notebooks full of notes that I never did anything with I get a little ill. It was at a time I had a good job, and I didn't make a good choice with the money it cost to participate. Unfortunately I have too many other examples of variations on the same theme.

Less really is more. Which leads to the third value:

Increasing Joy. There is a lot of joy in having freedom. Freedom from obligations, self imposed or otherwise. Why do we as women have such a hard time saying "no?" Fortunately I am getting better at this. I am really trying to carefully consider each choice I make and line it up against these four principles. If it brings with it a nagging feeling of angst, I am now trying to say "no". Since I have historically had a difficult time saying "no" and have such passion for so many different things, I frequently jump into very deep holes without any thought to how I am going to claw my way out.

A recent example of this is when a writing friend asked if I would like to lead a writer's coaching tele-seminar. Initially I jumped at the opportunity, and then carefully considered what it would entail, and thought, "what, am I crazy?" (Don't answer that!)So I emailed him back and told him he had done such a good job coaching me that I considered it, but it wasn't a good fit. I was honored that he thought of me, and left it at that.

And when taken together the end result should be:

Decreasing Stress. And who of us don't want to do that?

So, the focused area of my writing and any speaking will line up with Diva-izing lives for other stressed out women and moms. It has also seemed to be the focus of all the writing I have been doing. My friend Connie and I are also exploring sharing these principles with other stressed women and moms through "Diva for a Day" events.

And my crazy life will provide plenty of stories. All identifiable with I am sure. How many of our lives are lived from distraction to distraction, putting out fires, responding to demands and needs, and losing ourselves in the process, and ultimately we are good for nothing and no one.

Of course, I suspect it gets worse before it gets better. The photo proves that!

So those are the things I am going to be focusing on this year. And the difficult part, I suppose, for me will be maintaining the focus. In case you didn't know this, I get side tracked very, very easily. My life seems to be made up of bunny trails. Distractions that take over leaving me with gazillions of ideas, passions and unfinished projects (which result in too much stuff which in turns leads to more stress).

I think I will start with re-naming my blog and putting a truer to me picture up top. How about, "Living Life on the Edge, Without Falling Off"--I'll bet there are more than a few who can identify.

Do here's to a simpler, more joyful, less stressful year ahead, creating and maintaining meaningful relationships.

Too Much Fun!

It was just too much fun! Yesterday was the best. And it got me and Connie to thinking. Now that is treading into murky waters at best. We laughed so much we could hardly stand it. So we are going to develop the Connie and Kathy Travelling Road Show. Don't ask me where we're going to go...as a matter of fact, if you do ask us we'll come...but we want to encourage other women to have fun. Enjoy relationships. Take time. And incorporate the four principals of Diva Life into their own lives: Enhancing relationships, incorporating joy, de-stressing and simplifying. All things we really want to do, right?

What woman doesn't want to de-stress? Have more joy? Have a friend (relationship) they can let loose in without being shushed. (As you might well imagine, I get shushed a fair amount...especially by the curmudgeons in my life...) Experience some joy and simplify, simplify, simplify. And laugh plenty along the way.

Wait till you see the pink glasses we got...but I'm saving that for tomorrow...

I think I am coming to somewhat of a crossroads. I am passionate about the Diva principles...joy, relationships, simplifying and de-stressing; so I think that is the path I am going to go down in 2009.

I can't give up the passion for outreach, though, so I am going to explore other options (maybe my church website?) to blog about those thoughts.... whatcha think? Weigh in. I really believe in the power of girlfriends. so I think that is where I am settling in here.

Let me know what you think...

Kathy